The Adventures in Babysitting
by Kitten
Summary: Bakura's fondest wish comes true when he gets to babysit two sweet little girls. But someone forgot to mention a few things. Like how innocent the girls are. And how much they enjoy Barney...
1. Default Chapter

****

The Adventures in Babysitting

Starring Raven and April

It began with a call. 

Bakura was happily sharpening all the knives in his and his hikari's home when the phone rang. For a moment more Bakura slowly drew the knife's edge against the sharpening stone before realizing Ryou wasn't going to answer the phone. He was out with the pharaoh and his stupid friends.

He slammed down both knife and stone stormed over to the phone in the living room and whipped it off the hook before shouting,

"What do you want!"

"Did I catch you at a bad time?"

Bakura calmed down and smiled ominously. It was Malik and Malik equaled fun…

"Just sharpening the kitchen knives." He replied happily. "What do I owe the honor of this call?"

"I need a favor." Malik said. "You see I met this really fascinating girl and we were planning on going out tonight but there's one problem."

"What"

"Her daughters' babysitter canceled."

Bakura began laughing, "You're dating a Mommy? Oh Gods, this is good! I bet your sister is loving this."

"Actually Isis likes Brooke. Her and my sister work together."

Bakura quirked an eye brow in Spock like fashion, "Just how old is this girl?"

"She's _just_ nineteen."

"Malik, you're jail bait."

"No I'm not. I looked it up. When a child turns seventeen they are considered old enough to make their own decisions. So that means I can date a nineteen year old woman if I want to."

"Jail bait."

"Forget the age thing, do you want some money? I'll pay you to baby-sit Brooke's two girls."

At the sound of the word money and pay, Bakura perked up.

"How much for how long."

"Eighty dollars for four hours."

Hehe, cha-ching, Bakura thought with a smile with eyes like dollar signs. He shook himself out of it and asked,

"How old are these two girls, because if I'm changing diapers you can forget about it."

"No! Raven and April are potty trained, all you have to do is ask them if they have to go every now and again. Then just… _take_ them."

"Take two little girls to the bathroom…for eighty dollars…." Bakura groaned, "Tell me why your sister isn't able to do this."

"Because she is working late at the museum."

Bakura groaned again, "Alright I'll baby-sit the little monsters."

"Yippee!" 

Bakura laughed, "Yippee? You really must like this girl."

"You have no idea." Malik replied. "She has these green eyes that twinkle when she laughs and her body…"

"Is very nice, right?"

"Better than nice."

Bakura yawned, "So tell me more."

"I don't know this for sure but I think her brown hair hits her about the waist and it's like silk."

"Fascinating." He replied in monotone but Malik didn't seem to hear the sarcasm in Bakura's voice.

"I know! Tonight she promised to wear it down instead of in the braid she wears to keep little April from yanking on it. Speaking of which, I better call Brooke and tell her I found her a babysitter."

"Okay you go do that." Bakura sneered. Again Malik didn't catch it.

"See you around seven!"

Bakura didn't dignify that with an answer and simply hung up. Just then Ryou came in. 

"I got a job." The yami told his hikari.

Ryou stopped at the stairs and quirked an eyebrow then waited for his yami to continue.

"Malik has a date and needed someone to baby-sit his girlfriends rugrats." Bakura smirked, "He's paying me eighty dollars."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Ryou asked. "I remember that time when my little cousins came over from England."

"They didn't get hurt…much."

"Bakura, they're in therapy because of that little trip to the Shadow Realm." Ryou sighed, "Promise me you won't do that to these kids. Please?"

His yami smiled, "I warned them there were monsters there. If the little girls tonight want to see what a Morphing Jar really does, I'm not going to deny them."

"Please Bakura!"

He scowled, "Fine, I won't send them to the Shadow Realm." _Alone_, Bakura added silently.

Ryou went up to his room as he shouted, "Thank you!"

Bakura went back into the kitchen where his work awaited him. _Sharp, sharp knives…_

***************************************************************

"Hello?"

"Hey Brooke, I found you a babysitter!"

"Malik, you did? Who are they?"

"Yeah my friend Bakura heard your plight and said he'd do it."

"Really? That's great. Did you tell him that April wasn't quite potty trained yet and that he'd have to change pull-ups?"

Malik winced, "Of course I did."

"Did you inform your friend that the girls tend to get into fights? Or that they'll want to watch Barney and Carebears the entire night?"

Malik shuddered, he didn't feel a bit sorry though, and squeaked "Yes."

Brooke laughed, "I can tell by your voice you didn't."

"I told him." He exclaimed in defense.

She laughed again, "Oh I bet you did. You just want to go out tonight, no matter what."

Malik nervously chuckled, "Okay you caught me."

"You know, Isis said she would get off work to baby-sit the girls. You know how much Raven and April loves your sister's shineys."

"And I would be the one she gripes to about how the girls fought over her jewelry. No, Bakura can handle the girls for four hours."

Brooke laughed, "They'll have him ready for a straitjacket before an hour." 

"Maybe that's exactly what I want to happen. Bakura and I have a past."

"You are so mean."

"But you love me." Malik retorted.

Brooke laughed again, "No, I just can't resist those lavender eyes of yours."

Malik snorted, "Ri-ght, listen don't worry about anything, everything'll be fine."

"If you say so." 

Malik sighed as he hung up the phone.

"Oh boy, this is gonna be interesting."


	2. The girls

__

I always seem to forget the stupid disclaimer stating Yugioh doesn't belong to me. Raven and April belong to themselves.

Two sets of blue eyes met brown eyes. One set belonged to Raven, who had blond hair cut in a bob who wore a simple jumper of blue that brought out her creamy complexion and her big bright eyes. The other set was a cobalt blue belonging to Raven's younger sister April. Her short light coppery hair had cute little curls at the nap of her neck. She wore a green jumper that brought out the brown highlights of her hair.

"Now you two be good for Bakura." Brooke told her two daughters as she sat their backpacks down on the couch. Bakura broke the staring contest between the three of them to look at the petite young woman who bore the two tall children that looked five and three but were really three and one.

Her long light brown hair cascaded down just above her waist, her eyes weren't hazel but a forest like green hazel that changed according to her mood. She wore a simple green dress and heels for her date with Malik, who lounged near the door. 

"Bye Momma." Raven said turning to her and gave her a hug. April turned and gave her mother a wide eyed stare, just begging for her to save her from the strange, mean man in front of her.

Brooke smiled and patted Raven on the head, "Bye sweetie."

April, Raven and Bakura followed Brooke to the door and watched as her and Malik walked out the door. Immediately April began to cry.

"Stop crying, she'll be back." Bakura told her. 

April didn't stop crying. Her sister walked up to her and gave her a hug, "It's okay."

"Momma!" April cried. "Momma!"

Raven released her sister and looked up at Bakura for answers.

"Don't look at me kid, I'm just the babysitter." He told her. After a few more moments he sighed and squatted down in front of the younger girl.

"Listen, your Mom will be back after awhile."

April looked at Bakura and stopped crying. For a moment he thought the situation was solved…until he noticed what April had spotted.

"Wanna see." She said pointing at the Millennium Ring.

"Oh no." Bakura replied tucking the Item under his shirt. "You do _not_ wanna see this."

April pouted and did a little dance while she sobbed, "Wanna see!"

Bakura didn't know whether to laugh or slap the poor child for the temper tantrum. Reluctantly he pulled the Ring back out and leaned over for her to look at it while he safely wore it.

With a cry of triumph April grabbed a hold of the Millennium Ring and jerked it closer to her, forcing Bakura to lose his balance and fall hard onto his knees so not to fall flat on her. While the little girl happily peered at the item, Bakura began to wonder why Raven was so silent.

He looked around and didn't see her anywhere in the living room. With a growl he jerked the Ring out of April's hands and walked off to find the older girl while her sister pitched another fit.

He searched the bathroom, thinking the girl _might_ have gone to the bathroom on her own. She wasn't there. He next tried the kitchen while April followed him whining about "wanna see" ing.

He found the little girl sticking little handfulls of chocolate cake into her mouth while she stood with the fridge open and Ryou doing his homework just a foot away.

"I believe you lost someone." His hikari said as he continued scribbling down english words from the book in front of him.

Raven turned and waved a frosting covered hand at Ryou and Bakura. April noticing her sisters find went right over and began helping herself the same way Raven had.

"Why didn't you stop her!" Bakura shouted. "She's making a mess!"

Just then he noticed both girls were making a mess in front of the refrigerator.

"Now both of them are a mess!"

Ryou looked up as April came over and deposited a handful of cake on his homework. "Then gather them up and give them a bath." He looked down at his piece of cake as April trotted off to help herself. 

"Thank you April!" he said as he picked up his homework and trashed it. "I'm going to my room." 

And then he walked off leaving Bakura with two messy little girls. He glanced at the two girls and winced at the chocolatey mess they made of themselves. Smears of frosting lay on their neat clothing and all over their faces.

"Want some?" Raven asked innocently.

He took a deep calming breath and replied through gritted teeth, "No thank you." Then he placed a hand on each of their shoulders and steered them away from the fridge and toward the bathroom.

"You two are worse than Ryou's cousins." Bakura said as he slipped off each of the girls' dresses. "A least they knew not to raid the fridge…and share!"

Then he walked back into the living room to retrieve the backpacks, leaving Raven and April alone for just a moment.

When Bakura came back Raven was standing in the tub in the buff while her sister was splashing her hands in the toilet.

"You little fiend." He exclaimed racing toward the littlest girl and jerked her away but not before he got splashed.

"April splash Kura?" Raven inquired as he peeled April's remaining clothes off and placed her in the tub with her sister.

"Yes April splashed me, now sit down." Bakura replied as he sat down beside the tub and turned the water on.

Both girls began to shriek, giggle and dance around as the tub slowly filled with cold water, splashing Bakura in the process. He grumbled as he turned around and fished a wash cloth out of the cabinet behind him then began cleaning up the squirmy children.

"I cold." April said after awhile and began making her teeth chatter.

"I'm cold too but you don't hear me complaining." Bakura snapped as he scrubbed April's face clean then began working on her hands.

"I cold too!" Raven exclaimed and also began to make her teeth chatter. "I want out."

"Not until I get this chocolate off you." He told her and switched to cleaning the chocolate off her face and hands.

Finally after cleaning both girls, Bakura let the water drain and began drying the girls off while they stood in the tub.

"You know something?" Bakura said to pass the time. "I hate kids. I hated Ryou as a kid and I hate you too."

April began to pout as her yami babysitter sorted through their bag and found them each extra clothing.

"Don't start." He told the littlest girl as he lifted Raven out of the tub and quickly dressed her…then redressed her when he noticed he put her pants on backwards. Then he slipped her shoes back on and let her run out of the bathroom before turning to dress April.

"Want my sis-er." April pouted as Bakura lifted her out of the tub. She tried joining her sister outside of the bathroom but mean old Bakura kept jerking her back as he slipped on a T-shirt then looked in the bag for underwear.

What he found made his blood run cold.

Huggie Pull ups.

"Ishtar, I'm gonna kill you!!!"


	3. The Wiggles

_Now let's see. Minnie Mouse and some bows are in the front and Minnie has her back to me on the other side. So I put Minnie that's facing me on the front._

Bakura slipped on the pull up on the little girl in front of him with some satisfaction that he finally figured out how to put the make believe underwear on the squirmy girl standing in front of him. He heard something crash in the living room and Raven go "Oopsie." But he ignored it for the moment while he dressed April. Once he slipped her shoes on, both her and him went out of the bathroom, Bakura much slower since he had to pick up clothing and the diaper bag.

When he entered the living room, Bakura discovered Raven jumping on the couch happily with her sister. He looked down next to the couch and found the girl had knocked over and broke the vase of flowers that once sat on a coffee table. Both girls looked at him and giggled.

"Remind me when I see Ishtar to kill him." He told the two as he collapsed on the couch in between them.

"Die!" Raven cried.

"Die!" April echoed and then both girls began giggling anew as they jumped.

Bakura smirked, "Yes, Malik's going to die. Die a horribly evil death that only horribly evil people like myself would ever think of."

Raven stopped jumping and sat down next to him then asked, "Why?"

"Because he stuck me with you two diaper demons."

"Why?"

Bakura glared at her, "Because he hates me, we have a long detailed past where we hate one another."

Raven innocently cocked her head and smiled, "Why?"

He pressed his fingers to his temple and growled, "Just because."

"Why?"

_Must not banish annoying child to the shadow realm….Eighty dollars…_

April, noticing her sister found something more fun to do, plopped down on the other side of Bakura and joined in on the game.

"Why no Shadow Realm?" she inquired.

"Wah!!" their babysitter screaming jumping to his feet and staring at the littlest girl. "How? What?"

Both girls giggled.

"Kura funny!" Raven said to April. Her sister nodded.

"Wanna watch Wiggles?" Raven asked her sister. April nodded as Bakura stared at them both bug eyed. Raven turned to their babysitter and said, "April wanna watch Wiggles."

Bakura frowned and mouthed _Wiggles? _

April nodded and whined, "Wanna watch _Wiggles_."

She began to pout and big tears soon began to run down her face. Raven looked up at him helplessly and Bakura ran an angry hand through his spiky long hair. 

"Hold on one moment and stay put. I'm going to see about those Wiggles for you." 

He raced off toward Ryou muttering about mind reading one year olds and their stupid Wiggles.

"Ryou! I need your help." Bakura shouted busting into Ryou's room. His hikari turned around from his homework and waited for Bakura to explain.

"What in Ra's eternal name is _Wiggles_?" 

"It's a TV show on the Disney channel." Ryou answered promptly. "Sometimes when Barney isn't on my cousins watch that instead."

Bakura nodded, "And the Disney channel is where?"

Ryou got up from his desk and went downstairs followed by his yami. Downstairs both girls began whining again about Wiggles when they saw both boys. Ignoring them both, Ryou turned on the TV and switched it over to the Disney channel where luckily there was Wiggles.

"When this is over turn it over to the PBS station, that's 364 to you." Ryou explained as the two little girls squealed in delight over their favorite show. "I spotted a Barney marathon that ought to keep them happy."

"I owe you!" Bakura said as his hikari went back upstairs to do his homework. Once he was out of sight, Ryou smiled mischievously.

"Oh, I don't know about that…" he murmured innocently.

Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò Ò 

_"In a Wiggle World, a Wiggle world…"_

"You actually like this crap?"

"Shh"

"Don't shh me. I'm an evil tomb robber that's going to rule the world someday."

"Shh!"

"Not you too!"

"Batura, hush." April told him. "I watch Wiggles."

"You watch Wiggles." Bakura muttered crossing his arms in front of him. He continued to watch the singing and dancing men for a moment more before he got up and went to go sharpen a few knives. _Knives……. Ohhhhhhh. _

It wasn't until he just got this beautiful German butcher knife to the right sharpness before he realized he wasn't alone in the kitchen.

"What you doin'?"

Bakura looked down at his feet and saw two big blue eyes looking up at him through bangs of blond. 

"I would be sharpening a knife." He replied.

"Why?"

Bakura glared at her, "Don't start that again with me. I'll send you to the Shadow Realm before you can blink those eyes."

"I don'like Sadow Realm. Mawik sent me and April there. It dark." Raven told him matter of factly. "Then Malik came and yell at Mawik and took me and April home to Momma."

"Marik? You've _met_ him?"

Raven nodded, "He would have babysit today but Ice said '_NO_!'"

Bakura chuckled, "Yeah, Isis is that way."

"I not mind Mawik babysit. I not mind Ice babysit but they say _NO_ so Kura babysit!" she began to laugh.

"So let me get this straight, Malik asked his yami—er Marik to babysit you and your sister and he said no."

Raven nodded.

"And Malik asked his sister, Isis, and she also said no."

Again Raven nodded.

"So desperate for a babysitter, he asks me and now I'm stuck with you."

Raven smiled and nodded.

Bakura smirked and threw up his hands, "Perfect! Absolutely perfect!"


	4. The rod

The Wiggles were changed to the Barney marathon promptly after the credits. But the girls had a different plan for their babysitter.

"Kura play house." Raven said firmly and behind her April nodded. He looked over at the two girls who stood in front of him.

"Don't you want to watch Barney like _good_ little demons?"

"Batura play house." April replied as she took his hand while her sister took his other and both began to drag the teen to his feet. Once he climbed up the girls led him into the kitchen where they grabbed a pink apron.

"You be the mommy and we be the babies." Raven told him holding out the apron to him.

Bakura gave her and the apron a hard look, "There is no way I'm playing this game with you two." 

He turned to leave, dragging the two girls with his when he felt ten little teeth sunk into his flesh. Bakura jerked his hand free of April's mouth and began swearing in multiple languages. From Ancient Egyptian down to Yiddish.

"Why did you bite me!?" Bakura shouted at her.

Big tears began to fill April's eyes. Her lips began to quiver and then she let out a big sob. Soon the sobbing warped into full-blown screams and cries. In defense of her defenseless sister, Raven pinched Bakura, gaining a deadly glare.

The sound of pounding feet soon could be heard and then Ryou burst into the kitchen. He saw April crying and took her into his arms.

"Hey, why are you crying?" he murmured laying her head down on his shoulder.

"She bit me and I yelled at her." Bakura told his hikari who sat down in a chair with April, Raven at his side.

"Batura!" the littlest girl cried and began snubbing. Raven again came to her little sister's defense and pinched Bakura and got her hand slapped. Then she too began to cry.

"Kura slap me!" she whined as she climbed into Ryou's lap. She turned and shouted at him, "Kura! Go away!!"

Bakura threw up his arms and began pacing in front of the three, "Fine I will!"

April's cries grew in volume and Ryou groaned.

"After this I think Malik should get Isis to baby-sit these two." Ryou said to his yami over the crying.

"Can't. She refused along with Marik." Bakura replied with a smirk. "Not that I blame them."

Ryou's eyes bugged out, "Marik's babysat Raven and April?"

The yami nodded, "Sent them to the Shadow Realm too."

"Tough kids. I still have nightmares from our stint."

Bakura glared at him as his hikari attempted to comfort both children. But every time Ryou thought he made progress with one, the other would begin crying once more about a real or imagined crime that Bakura committed.

Speaking of committed, Bakura was thinking he should be committed for ever thinking he could baby-sit two little girls for even one second. Especially Raven and April.

"Batura!" April cried and then committed the worst crime a child could ever commit against their baby-sitter or his hikari: she wiped her nose on Ryou.

"Ewww!" Ryou cried as Bakura thanked his gods that it wasn't him and began laughing. Both girls thinking their baby-sitter was laughing at their pain began to howl louder in Ryou's arms.

"Would you help me?" Ryou shouted over the girls' cries. "I'm not even getting paid for this!"

"No, but thank Ra I am." Bakura replied and began to pry April off his hikari. April wouldn't let go, so the yami tried to peal Raven off. No cigar.

"Back in my days, there was an saying 'Spare the rod and spoil the child'. What these two need is a good swift swat with a rod."

"What you really need is a crowbar, not a rod."

Something inside the evil yami's mind clicked and a devious smile crossed his features. He looked at Ryou and the light knew something was very wrong.

"Who do we know has a Rod?" Bakura inquired mildly.

"We're not spanking these girls." Ryou replied. Upon hearing the word spank, the girls became even louder than before.

"No fool, think! What am I wearing?"

"The Millennium Ring."

"Good. What does Marik own?"

"The Millennium R…Bakura you can't be serious." Ryou exclaimed with realization.

"I'm perfectly serious. Grab the kids' coats, we're all going on a field trip."

Ryou tried to rise to his feet and shout _No!_ But he forgot two little girls each weighing about thirty pounds were currently sitting in his lap. What ended up happening was him falling back in the chair with a cry of No and the said chair collapsing under him.

With a new reason to cry, both Raven and April wiped their noses on Ryou and screamed.

"Let's go." Ryou said flat.


	5. The fun

After Ryou carried both girls out while Bakura carried Raven and April's things out and locked the door behind him, the phone rang. Two rings afterwards the answer machine picked up.

_"This is the Bakura residence. No one is here right now so leave a message at the beep." _Ryou's voice said followed by a beep.

"Bakura, this is Isis. If I know Raven and April you'll need my help very soon. I got off work early so call me and I'll take the girls off your hands. Oh and before I forget, whatever you do don't let Marik see the girls. Last I heard he still holds a grudge against them for cutting his hair. _Please_ don't be over there!" and then Isis hung up.

* * *

"Where we goin'?" Raven asked for the fifth time in the past five minutes. Bakura looked down at the little girl whose hand he held while Ryou carried April.

"We're going to visit Marik and see if we can play with his Rod." He replied.

"Bakura, that didn't sound right." Ryou told his yami with a blush. April giggled.

"Play with Rod, play with Rod." She exclaimed. Raven laughed with her sister.

"Oh Ra did that sound bad." Bakura muttered.

"Let _me_ rephrase that: We're going over to Marik's house to play with a shiny hard stick."

Bakura and the girls both began laughing at Ryou once he realized what he said and began blushing a furious red.

"Nice color for you." Bakura commented. April nodded poked at his red cheeks.

"Ryou funny. Ryou red." Raven told everyone as they walked. As they passed people on the street, she would free her hand, go up to total strangers and tell them Ryou was red before Bakura could stop her.

"They're so darling at that age." One woman said as they waited at the crosswalk after Raven told her about Ryou blushing.

"Yes, extremely." Bakura replied mildly.

The woman turned and addressed April, "You love going out with your big brothers don't you."

Raven laughed when Bakura's eyes bugged out and Ryou laughed nervously as April replied.

"Batura not bro ther. Ray Ray sisser."

The woman bent down to address Raven warmly, "Are you her sister?"

Raven nodded.

"You're such a good sister, aren't you dear." The woman said standing straight.

"Oh yes, pinching their baby-sitter to get even for yelling at her." Bakura replied. "Such a darling."

"Well maybe their baby-sitter shouldn't have yelled." The woman responded with a sniff.

"She bit me!"

"Well what did you do to her?"

Bakura reached into his pocket and pulled out the Man-Eater Bug card, summoning it to devour the woman.

Luckily the light changed and the woman walked off with the rest of the crowd unaware of the creature behind her.

"Put it away." Ryou hissed as he made sure the little girl in his arms didn't see the scary looking bug. Raven unfortunately saw it and began crying.

Bakura reluctantly sent the monster back to the Shadow Realm as he picked up his screaming charge and crossed the street with the crowd.

Some blocks away Raven was still crying over what she dubbed 'the scary big bug' and even Ryou was tiring of her sobs. Bakura was beyond tired, he was desperate for some silence. Just then he looked up and spied his salvation.

_Macdonald's playland._

"Hey Raven, what would you say to going to Macdonald's." Bakura asked her. Raven was silent and April giggled and clapped her hands narrowly missing Ryou's nose.

"I like Macdonald's." The older girl told him matter of fact like. "Momma take us there a lot."

Bakura smirked as April began babbling incoherently to Ryou about Macdonald's and French fries in between cute giggles.

"Well Momma is a very smart lady." The yami told the girl in his arms. "Shall we go?"

Raven and April nodded.

If Bakura were a normal person instead of a knife obsessed freak bent on world domination, he would have taken Raven and April inside, bought a dollar hamburger and ate while the girls played. But he was Bakura, the knife obsessed freak bent on world domination that we all adore.

He walked up to the pad locked gateway in between him and playland madness, put Raven down, whipped out his lucky lock pick he always kept on his person and proceeded to pick the lock. Once he sprung the lock, he graciously opened the door for Raven, who ran straight inside followed by Ryou and the wiggling April.

"You know I could have bought a hamburger and got inside legally." Ryou told his yami as he let April lose after her sister and Bakura shut the gate behind them.

"Yeah but who wants to do things legally." Bakura replied. His hikari rolled his eyes.

Both boys watched the happy girls crawl through the maze of tubing, waved at them when they demanded their attention and were all in all enjoying the peace of having the girls entertained.

Then it happened…

Both teens heard the unmistakable scream of one of their charges followed by a thump and another scream.

"You check it out." Bakura told his hikari. "You're skinnier."

Ryou looked at him shocked, "_You're_ the babysitter, you go see what happened."

Bakura stood up and glared down at him, "I am not crawling into those idiotic plastic tubes just to see what happened to those monsters."

His hikari got to his feet as well, "I'm going inside and getting some drinks. While I'm inside, I'll page Malik and tell him how you're mistreating his girlfriend's baby girls."

"You can't." the yami growled as there was another scream from the tubes. "You don't know the number."

"555- I'm King." Ryou replied smugly. When Bakura's jaw dropped, he continued with a shrug, "When you and Marik spent two weeks terrorizing the countryside, Malik gave me the number. He wanted to know how many people he had to bury."

"He didn't have to." Bakura muttered as Ryou walked off. "We buried everyone ourselves!"

He went to the entrance of the tubes, passing by the smiling face of Ronald himself informing everyone that you had to be shorter than his raised hand to play inside the tubes. Bakura glared at the clown and crawled inside the maze.

He went through a tunnel of pink that hurt his eyes in a manner that wasn't all due to the brightness or the lighting. He followed the screams and an occasional thump past the yellow tinted window the girls waved at him and Ryou through. Then found the two girls crying and kicking at each other where the tunnel became at bit snug for the tomb raider.

"What's going on." Bakura demanded.

"April bite me!" Raven wailed and showed the yami a dark red bite mark that was identical to a faint pink one he was sporting. Then she kicked at her sister angrily and the littler girl screamed and kicked back.

Bakura swatted at April's foot, "Hey! No kicking!"

The little girl turned her teary eyes toward him and began to sob. Raven looked at April, then at Bakura and began hitting him.

"Hey!" he cried trying to avoid stinging slaps to his face. Bakura tried scooting back up the tunnel but found himself in a bit of trouble. He was stuck.

"Batura." April sobbed.

The tomb raider attempted to pull himself toward the girls. No go.

"Kura bad!" Raven shouted with a flurry of smacks across Bakura's head. "Go away!"

"Ow! I'm _trying _to!" he replied through his gritted teeth. _Ryou!_ He shouted through their link.

_Do you want Sprite or Dr. Pepper?_ Ryou inquired.

_Right now, a good shot of whiskey_, the yami replied._ Forget the drinks, I'm **stuck**._

Bakura swore he heard something like a giggle come from Ryou, but the hikari wouldn't do that. No, he knew better than to laugh at Bakura.

_You're…stuck?_

And getting beat up by a pre-schooler! Now get over here and get me out!!

Bakura heard the giggling sound again.

_Are you laughing?_ The yami growled through the link as he blocked another attack from Raven. _Are you laughing at me?_

_No I'd never laugh at you. You're scary and evil and…giggle and stuck in a restaurant playground! _Ryou irrupted in laughter_._

_Stop laughing!_ Bakura ordered his hikari who was smiling faintly as he paid for the two large and small drinks.

"Do you have a pay phone?" Ryou asked as he received his change.

"Outside by the left entrance." The cashier replied.

The teen tried to stifle a fit of audible laughter as his yami began cursing, "Thank you."

Ryou carried the drinks outside and sat them at his feet as he put in some of his drink change into the phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"You're never going to believe this but Bakura is getting beat up by a four-year old and needs help getting unstuck in some playground tubes."

Ryou heard the expected laughter over the phone and the person tell another person what was said then that person began to laugh.

"He's very frantic about getting out and away from the little girl, so if you would come over to Mac Donald's and help him I would appreciate it." Ryou said after the laughter was under control. "All his cursing and prayers for Amut to devour him are getting on my nerves."

"We'll be over there in twenty minutes." Then they hung up.

Ryou hung up the phone, sat at a table near the tubes and sipped his soda calmly. He didn't call Raven and April over, no, he waited quite some time before he did.

* * *

Sorry about the long wait. 


	6. The escape

Raven giggled and told Ryou for the third time that she loved Dr Pepper while her sister kept darting her tear filled eyes to the tube maze and whimpered the word, "Batura" around the straw in her mouth. Ryou patted the little girl's hand that wasn't busy opening one of the handfuls of straws in front of her.

"Don't be upset, I called for some help." he told her. "Bakura will be out soon and then we can leave and see Marik."

"And shiny Rod that send people to Sadow Realm." Raven added. "I don'like Sadow Realm."

"Me and you both." Ryou replied ruffling her hair just as his help arrived. He smiled and greeted the two. One was slightly shorter than the other, less hard edge but both shared identical spiky tri-colored hair and violet eyes. One was still in his school uniform as Ryou was while the other wore some vinyl/leather monstrosity that posed as pants and a top full of buckles.

"Yugi, Yami meet Raven and April." Ryou introduced. April glanced at the two boys that would never reach beyond 5'4 and whimpered, "Batura." Raven hopped up and glomped Yami.

"I like your shiny! It like Mawik's and Kura's. Wanna see it." the little girl exclaimed.

Yami looked at Ryou and Yugi nervously obviously trying to decide whether to pry the girl off and run or to stay put. Then wondering just _how_ he could pry Raven off.

"Fair O help Batura." April said and both yami and two hikari eyes nearly bugged out of their skulls. "Wanna see shiny too." the little girl added as her sister began tugging on the Millennium Puzzle.

Ryou cleared his throat, "Yami why don't you keep the girls occupied---" he didn't get to finish.

"No! Yugi and I can deal with Bakura." he exclaimed prying Raven off him with a desperate yank. Then shoved her into Ryou's arms, "You take care of these two."

The pharaoh then quickly grabbed his hikari's arm and sped off into the tubes in a cloud of dust. April and Raven looked at each other and giggled.

_Meanwhile..._

"I hate you, you hate me. Let's hang Barney from a tree!" Bakura sang under his breath_. Remind me when I see Malik to kill him in many creative and painful ways_, he told Ryou through the link as he heard scuffling in front and behind him.

"Just great." he muttered. "The _kiddies_ are back. This day can't get any worse."

A second later, he was eating those words. He saw the unmistakable pharaoh in front of him and heard his hikari behind him.

"Well isn't this a sight?" Yami said with a smirk. "My worst enemy, trapped in a kid's play area and can't get out without _my_ help."

"I understand that you were roughed up by one of the little girls outside." he continued enjoying the moment. "Which one was it? The clingy blond or the little one with curls."

"Raven the clingy blond, as you so put it." Bakura growled feeling Yugi tugging on his ankles. "Are you going to help Yugi with getting me out of here or are you going to gloat?"  
Yami scowled but brightened considerably as he devised an ingenious method of helping his hikari. He lifted his foot and placed it firmly on Bakura's forehead. Again. And again.

"Quit kicking me!" the tomb robber screamed as both Yami and Yugi tried again to unstick him via his own method.

"Shut up, you're lucky Yugi and I are here." Yami snapped before planting his foot right between Bakura's eyes.

"Ohhhh, you said a bad word." The familiar voice of Raven said as her and her sister crawled into the chamber.

Yami blanched and Bakura laughed at the look of horror on the great pharaoh's face. April looked over at Bakura and cried out in anger at the Yami sized footprint on 'Batura's' head.

"You kick Batura!" she screamed. The mischievous look on Raven's face morphed into anger and she too screamed.

"Fair O kick Kura!" the little girl shouted and then both girls tackled Yami.

While April bit Yami's arm and pulled his hair, her sister kicked and slapped him. Bakura was cackling madly at the once king's plight. On the other side, all Yugi could hear was horrible screaming and laughing as Bakura wiggled his feet in delight.

"Yami?" he cried. "What's going on?"

"Yugi help!" the battered pharaoh shrieked.

His hikari quickly navigated through the tube maze and popped in on the other side and saw what was occurring. By that time however, Bakura was directing the children like a general and the girls were chasing the yami around the small enclosure, each making sure that their new playmate never escaped.

"Bite 'im April! Kick the naughty Fair O, Raven." Bakura shouted with a demonic grin.

Yami screamed like a little girl when both little girls executed their babysitter's plan. When he noticed Yugi, he immediately dove for him and the safety of the Puzzle.

"Oh, that was not fair." The general pouted. The little girls turned to Yugi and stuck out their little bottom lips.

"Bakura, have _you_ thought about going into your item?" Yugi inquired mildly. The yami had the nerve to look sheepish.

"Uh… " at that moment the ring around Bakura's neck glowed and he vanished inside of it. Then…April and Raven looked at Yugi, where the Millennium Ring lay and at each before grinning.

"It's mine." They both cried running over to the golden item and snatched it up. April and Raven glared at one another as each tugged on the Ring.

"I wanna see." The littlest girl whined.

"Mine." Raven argued tugging on it.

"It Batura's shiny." Her sister responded and tried tugging it out of Raven's hands. This went on back and forth until finally Yugi broke it up by handing Raven the Millennium Puzzle.

"So how goes it." Ryou asked as the three little people crawled out of the Playland maze. The girls happily showed him their Millennium Items as they sat down across from him.

"Are they… inside the Items?" Ryou asked slowly. Yugi blushed and nodded.

April banged the Ring on the table and the white haired boy swore he could hear his yami cursing. Yugi too swore he heard his yami swear holy retribution as Raven tried giving 'Fair O's shiny' a greasy French fry.

"I feel so evil," Yugi said mischievously.

"Don't." Ryou replied. "I'm sure Yami's done something deserving of having greasy little fingers and fries jammed at the Millennium Puzzle."

Yugi thought for a moment, "He did use up all the hair gel in the house."

Ryou kept a straight face when all he wanted to do was laugh. Meanwhile, April felt that the Millennium Ring looked better around her neck and announced for all to hear.

"I a pretty princess!"

Raven, on the other hand, discovered that her Item came apart.

"Look!" she exclaimed holding out a piece of the Puzzle in her hand. Yugi looked over and blanched before quickly snatching up the Puzzle and sliding the piece back in. Immediately Yami appeared.

"I can't believe you let that _demon_ get a hold of my Puzzle!" he shouted as Ryou slipped the Ring off of April and allowed Bakura to return.

"Hey!" Bakura shouted back. April squealed in delight upon hearing the yami's voice and nearly knocked him off his angry feet with a hug.

"Batura came back!" she cried holding out her arms for him to pick her up. He looked down at her and almost gave her a fond look, but it quickly changed to annoyance as he picked her up.

"You two _muchkins_ have fun playing in Oz, we're outta here." The yami snapped before shoving the pharaoh aside and began walking out of the playground.

"Thanks for coming you two." Ryou said as he picked Raven up.

"No problem." Yugi replied ruffling Raven's hair and said to her. "Nice meeting you."

"Why Kura diss Fair O and 'Ugie?" she asked.

"Because he doesn't like us." Yami replied.

"Why?"

Ryou quickly followed his yami out before either boy could respond.

* * *

"What's dat?" Raven asked as they walked down the street. Bakura came out of his brooding and looked at what the girl pointed out. A street sign. One exactly like the last twenty they passed.

"It's a sign." Ryou replied to the girl he carried. Bakura felt April snuggle more firmly against him and sighed. She giggled as her sister asked another question.

"What's dat?" she asked pointing at another fascinating sight.

"A fire hydrant." Ryou answered with a sigh. He turned to his yami and asked, "Am I getting any of your babysitting money?"

Bakura glanced over at Raven, who stuck her tongue out at him and then down to the little girl burying her face in his chest.

"Ten dollars."

"They trashed my homework."

"I had to sit through a half hour of four men acting like morons."

"They broke my father's vase."

"So? I had to bath the little fiends."

Raven and April giggled at the yami and hikari. They watched as back and forth the two argued but soon they grew bored of their antics. April began to wonder if Bakura tasted as nice as he smelled. Raven wondered how long it would take to annoy Ryou with her endless and quite pointless questions.

"What's dat?"

"A phone booth." Ryou answered calmly before replying to Bakura, "Bakura, I think I deserve more than ten dollars for helping you out."

"You're not milking me for anymore money. It's _mine_." Just then the yami noticed his shirt was getting slightly damp. He looked down and saw April was licking him.

"Eww! Stop licking me!"

Raven giggled, stuck out her tongue and leaned over toward Bakura. Ryou settled her back into his arms as his counter part glared at her and April put her arms around him.

"My Batura." she firmly stated. Raven put her arms around Ryou and retorted with a similar claim.

"Yeah whatever." Bakura muttered as April gave him a wet kiss on the cheek and another hug.

"My Batura."


	7. The store

His hand was suddenly warm and Bakura just _knew_ what that meant. A quick and brief look at the front end of April's pull-ups confirmed it. There were now no purple ribbons on the front: April needed changed.

"We need to stop somewhere." he told his hikari with a sigh. Ryou shot him a puzzled look.

"I go potty." April replied proudly sparing the yami from explaining further.

"Do you have to go?" Ryou asked Raven. He received a solemn look and a nod. "I see a Wal-mart up ahead. I can go buy some pencils while you take the girls to the bathroom."

"You _do _realize, despite the long hair, that I am _a guy _and thus unable to take the girls to the correct bathroom?"

Ryou shrugged as he jogged over to the store, followed closely by his yami.

"I'm sure you'll think of something. You came up with some good plans in all the times you tried stealing Yugi's puzzle."

As the yami and two girls briskly walked to the back of the store where the bathrooms were located, Ryou slipped off into the office supply section to buy a package of pencils.

In the area for layaway, close to the application computer, sat two mighty doors. One spoke of **Men** while the other spoke of Women. It was a moral dilemma that could warp two little girls or one tomb raider mentally swearing a blue streak. _Which door to take?_

"Why couldn't you two be born male?" he muttered.

"'Cause we're girls." Raven replied brightly. April chewed on her finger and giggled as Bakura rolled his eyes.

_I _could _pass as a girl,_ Bakura thought darkly. _I hear it enough from stupid punks on the street. _He scowled, _Of course not _everyone_ is stupid and walking into the ladies restroom can get me arrested._

Raven tugged on the yami's sleeve and announced in a very pathetic voice, "Kura I gotta go potty."

"Hush for a minute, I'm thinking!"

"But I _gotta _go _potty!_"

"Hold it for a minute!" Bakura hissed.

"I GOTTA GO POTTY!" Raven screamed at the top of her lungs and Bakura was hard pressed whether to hide in embarrassment or strangle the little girl.

"Having problems?" a familiar voice inquired behind him.

Bakura turned and saw one of the last people he wanted to see at a time like this. She had two shopping bags in her hand, out of one a stuffed Red Eyes Black Dragon's head stuck out.

She wore a red mini skirt and a yellow mid drift that strangely complimented her shoulder length brown hair and bright blue eyes.

"None at all, Tea." Bakura replied with mock politeness.

"Batura." April whined.

"One minute!" he snapped and the little girl began to cry.

Tea watched in amusement as Raven kicked Bakura in the shin and called him bad. Then laughed when the little girl began dancing around in the universally known dance called 'I have to go to the bathroom but I _am_ going to hold it until I get to a bathroom.'

"Seems to me you're having problems." Tea stated still laughing a tad.

"If you don't want to make a permanent visit to the Shadow Realm, I suggest you take these two to the bathroom and change April." Bakura snarled at her.

Tea quirked a single eyebrow and placed one hand on her hip, "You try that and Yami will send you on a similar trip. Guaranteed."

The yami growled in frustration as Raven added a hop to her dance and began clutching herself. It was at this time Bakura felt his hand become warm again. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"How much." he muttered.

Tea smirked, "Three dollars and you announcing over the intercom that you are a ring raider."

"_What?!_"

Tea shook a finger at him, "I'm not repeating it. You know what I said."

Bakura shoved the girl's back packs into the young woman's arms before foisting the little girls off on her.

The layaway intercom took care of stipulation one of Tea's diaper changing deal. A quick picking of a random pocket took care of the rest. But when he returned to the bathrooms, he discovered a rather smug looking Tea sitting on a bench and no toddlers.

"What did you do with the kids?" he inquired evenly.

Tea stood up with a chuckle, "They went looking for you and Ryou."

"Why didn't you stop them!?"

"Because that wasn't part of the deal." she replied over her shoulder as she walked away.

Bakura uttered a few choice curses in Tea's direction before walking off to find the two little girls.

His first stop was the toy aisle where many parents and their child snatched up entertainment pieces and board games. Bakura peered around and did not spot Raven and April amongst the crowd.

Next he tried the candy/junk food aisle. There Bakura spotted Joey loading up his hand basket full of Twinkies, chocolate cakes and cola. But no girls.

A similar occurrence happened in the tea/coffee aisle. This time it was Duke with a basket loading up on café brand coffee.

So where did Bakura finally find the two little girls? In the book aisle, sitting on the floor next to their backpacks '_reading'_ from the pile they made in the back corner.

"Hi Batura," April greeted as she flipped a page of the magazine in her lap. "Time to go?"

The yami gritted his teeth and replied calmly, "Yes, it is time to go."

"But what about Ryou? Where Ryou?" Raven asked snatching up her sister's magazine. April screamed and so began a tug-a-war over the publication. Sure enough, it ended in the death of the latest issue of Shonen Jump.

"Ryou's somewhere around, now pick up your mess." Bakura snapped. Raven frowned and looked at the yami askew as April began singing some song off of Barney as she cleaned.

"Raven, help your sister." He growled and once more had the same look shot at him. April began cleaning Raven's mess.

"Stop that." Bakura snapped at April. "It's your sister's mess, have _her_ clean it."

It was April's turn to look at him funny.

"But she made it too." Raven argued as April began to sing as she cleaned once more. The yami growled at her and her sister.

"Here!" he snapped shoving an armload of books into Raven's arms. "Put them back."

Raven looked at him with a frown and huffed as April breezed by with her song and began plucking books from her sister to put back up.

"She _needs_ to put them back." Raven argued as April went off with her new stack of books. "April made a mess."

"You made the mess too." Bakura shot back then pointed at her sister up the aisle from them. "Go put those books up!"

The little girl gave him an annoyed look and was about to open her mouth again when the yami cut her off.

"Pick them up!"

The little girl's eyes began to fill with water. Her breathing quickened and she let out this frustrated whimper.

"But she needs to pick up!" Raven cried as big tears began to run down her face. "She does!"

"April does not _need_ to pick up all those books. _You_ need to pick up those books too." Bakura replied grinding his teeth together so not to start viciously attacking the small girl with her backpack. There were money and store cameras to be concerned about.

But as Raven went into full tantrum mode, complete with screams and throwing herself down on the floor so she could kick and scream more, Bakura wondered if beating her would be justifiable.

_The police'll clearly see I had no choice in the matter. It was either hit her or have her continue to disturb the peace. Murder in the name of peace is always a good thing._

"Bloody hell Bakura, I leave you alone for one moment..."Ryou cried rushing to Raven's side, a bag of newly purchased pencils in one hand and a newly purchased notebook in the other. "I could hear her clear across the store...and I caught that plan you had!"

Upon hearing Ryou's voice, Raven calmed down enough to tell the teen all her troubles as April finished putting the books back and ran back to everyone.

"And Kura loves April more" Ryou was told as he carried Raven out of the store followed closely by his yami carrying April.

"I do not." Bakura snapped. "I hate you both equally."

April giggled and laid her head down on his shoulder, "My Batura."

Raven laid her head down on Ryou's shoulder and made a similar claim. Then there was a lull between the four of them where no words were spoken and the two little girls began to doze, content in the arms of their babysitters. And then...

"Say," Ryou said abruptly with a smile. "I could have sworn I heard you on the store intercom."

Both girls giggled.


	8. The arrival

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long. Seeing how my girls are now school age, some the latest "inspiration" doesn't fit in with their ages here.

* * *

Marik Ishtar was known as many things. He was known to be just as powerful with shadow magic as Bakura. He was known to be mistaken as his hikari. But Marik's ice blond hair naturally spiked up and out wildly around him and his eyes was a shade darker than Malik's. Otherwise they were nearly mirror images of one another.

Marik was also known as a psychopath who, though didn't seem like it, cared for his hikari enough that he was once bent on living Malik's life just to spare him of its cruelties. Now that Malik's life was better, the yami had his own life.

A life that had him sitting in front of a computer with half of the screen taken up with a game of Civilization and the other half with an online game of chess.

The sound of a sent message tore the yami's gaze from his Civ game and turned it toward the chat box at the bottom of the chess game. He chuckled as he read.

**1 Funny Bun: **_How goes the New Egyptian empire?_

_Well enough, I tore the Romans a new one_, he typed back.

**1 Funny Bun: **_LOL_

**1 Funny Bun: **_Insulted at the idea of trade with the people who destroyed the first Egyptian empire?_

Marik smirked as he replied.

_No. They had the idea that my workers were perfect to practice their spear throwing with. I disagreed._

**1 Funny Bun: **_LOL_

Before Marik could turn his attention back to his chess game the doorbell rang. He typed in a short message to his opponent as the doorbell rang again and walked off to answer it.

"Avon calling." Bakura announced brightly as two all too familiar little girls in his and his hikari's arms screamed in delight.

"No." Marik exclaimed eyes locked on Raven and April in horror. "Not _them_." He went to slam the door but a swift kick sent it flying open and Marik's four visitors walked in before shutting the door behind them.

Raven was the first to wiggle free and run off straight toward the computer where she immediately minimized Marik's games and clicked on a seemingly random icon on the screen.

April followed a moment later on the heels of her older sister as Ryou watched on in horror.

"Mind if I borrow the Rod?" Bakura inquired as his hikari started sputtering and pointing at the girls. "I still have to put up with them for two more hours."

"Marik, they're messing with your computer!" Ryou managed to cry out.

"The Millennium Rod doesn't work on them." He announced.

"Pick that one, Ray Ray." April told her sister putting her finger on the computer screen.

"They're too strong willed for it to work." Marik continued running a hand through his hair. Then he added with a devious grin, "I'll be glad to ship them off to the Shadow Realm for you."

"Marik, your computer!" Ryou cried.

"No! It's my turn." Raven whined as April went to grab the mouse from her.

"Quit fighting over the computer." Marik snapped as he marched over to the two girls. He jerked the mouse out of Raven's hands, saved his game, logged out of his chess game and shut them both off.

"Raven wanna to play Boohbah." April shouted at Marik.

"No!" Raven shouted back. "I wanna play Curious George!"

Curiosity finally got the best of Bakura and Ryou. Both of them wondered why Marik seemed nonchalant about Raven and April touching his computer. They were interested in knowing just what it was that Raven had clicked on.

So in the interest of finding out answers to these questions, both yami and hikari went over to the computer and peeked at the computer screen.

Sitting in the middle of the screen was a window to a colorful site with pictures of characters that Bakura didn't recognize nor really cared to know. April's fingerprint hovered over a picture of a pink balloon like creature with beady eyes.

"I wanna play George!" Raven said as she left her own fingerprint on the computer screen over a picture of a brown monkey.

Ryou glanced over to the right of the window and busted up laughing. There in a small corner of the screen was a series of two icons, each different from the rest. One was a picture of a pink ballerina, another was a image of Barney.

"You have desktop icons to PBS and kisekae." Ryou gasped in between giggles.

"Isn't kisekae..?" his yami asked as Marik blushed.

"Yes, I got them a paper doll game!" He snapped as Raven snatched the mouse from his hands and clicked the link to Boohbah dance. April cheered and began mimicking the characters off to the side.

"Last time I babysat Brooke's kids, they whined about their TV shows not being on and how I didn't have a single Disney movie. So I stuck the PBS link on the computer and got them some dolls to dress up." He explained.

"So _that's_ why you said you'd baby sit them." Bakura snickered. "Bet you cried when Malik told you couldn't play dolls with them."

"Would you like to revisit the Shadow Realm?" Marik snapped drawing the aforementioned Millennium Rod out from behind his back.

Just as Shadow magic levels were about to reach their peak and both yamis were about to declare a shadow duel….

"Die!" Raven exclaimed with a cute giggle.

"Die!" April repeated even louder.

The two spirits exchanged looks and pulled in their powers at the same time. A silent promise passed between them. _Another time._

"Mawik, Kura say he hurt Malik. He say he die." Raven announced quite brightly as Ryou sat down on Marik's couch.

"Uh uh, Batura say he die evie dead tat evie pepple like Batura tink of." April correctly quoted her babysitter's exact words as she danced.

"What a _lovely_ memory you have there, April." Bakura muttered as he sat next to his hikari. "I can already picture your mother's face when she hears that."

"Brooke would be positively scandalized at what her precious daughters have learned since she began dating Malik." Ryou said to no one in particular. "Let's see, they've learned about the existence of the Shadow Realm. They've learned monsters can easily be summoned into our world..."

"Batura break into Mac 'onald's" April added.

"You didn't see a thing." Bakura snapped.

"Kura bad." Raven announced and Marik snickered as he sat down beside Ryou on the couch.

"Don't worry Bakura." He said as the yami angrily crossed his arms in front of him. "I doubt anything you've done tops what happened on this one date Malik had with Brooke."

"Oh? What happened?"

"The girls saw the cartoon version of Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Marik replied.

"Sounds innocent enough." Ryou said and the blond yami smiled ominously. Bakura chuckled, he had an idea where this story was heading.

"Oh sure, to a teenager it's an innocent cartoon. But to Raven, who used to watch all sorts of movies with her mother and sister," Marik glanced at Raven and dropped his voice to a whisper, "the Grinch was the scariest monster ever."

"You're kidding." Ryou gasped. Marik shook his head.

"I heard Isis talking to Malik about Brooke missing a day of work because Raven's nightmares."

About that time, April had grown bored of the Boobah dance and came over to see what the boys were up to.

"What you doin'?" she inquired with a finger in her mouth.

"Talking." Bakura replied brushing her finger out of her mouth.

"About?"

"The price of tea in China." Her babysitter snapped and April giggled.

"Wanna hear story?" she asked and without awaiting an answer she began her tale. "Once a time, dare was a goat. He was on a school an' me an' Ray Ray saw him."

"And what did the goat do then?" Ryou inquired sweetly and was shot a nasty look from his yami who muttered a few choice words in his native tongue about encouraging pointless stories.

"He flew." April replied.

"He flew?"

"He flew" the little girl confirmed as Bakura shot Marik a dirty look for encouraging her more. "An' then a oni corn came and _they_ flew."

It was then that Bakura had enough of 'story-time' and wandered back over to Raven. She still sat before the computer, seemingly to be randomly clicking on things but when Bakura finally sat down behind her, the yami was stunned to see the toddler surfing the site like a pro.

"Momma say don' click on da colors." Raven told her babysitter and stuck her finger over crayon icon that read 'Printables'. She moved the mouse and clicked on something called 'I love shapes', giggling at the dancing monkey as the game loaded.

"Then don't." Bakura replied. He heard April start singing a song that went along with her story and wondered how someone so young could sing on tune.

"Kura."

"What?"

"Gotta go potty." Raven told him. With a sigh, Bakura took her back to Marik's bathroom.

He had no idea this seemingly bit of good fortune would later come back to haunt him....


	9. The potty

Author's Note: Sorry for the wait! But here's a reward for all the reviews and being patient.

* * *

Bathrooms were universal no matter what time they were in or where they were located. There was a place for bathing, Marik's was a shower stall with a glass sliding door and tiled in muted flesh tones. There was a place to wash your hands and place for towels. Marik's was a stand alone sink with sandy colored cabinets full of fluffy towels and cleaning agents. And then there was the toilet.

Raven immediately went toward the commode and began pulling down her pants and training panties even before Bakura had entered. With a little help from her babysitter she was up on the can and all set to potty. She went a tiny bit, grabbing a large handful of toilet paper and then wiped herself. Next, the little girl wiggled off, pulled up her training panties and pants then flushed the toilet.

"I a big girl." Raven told Bakura proudly as she went toward the sink to wash her hands.

"Sure thing, kid." Her babysitter replied before the door slowly cracked open. April walked in as her sister stood up on her tippy toes, struggling to turn on the faucet.

"Gotta go paw~dy." The littlest girl announced as Bakura took pity on Raven and turned on the water for her.

"Whatever." Bakura muttered leaning against the wall by the door. He glanced at Raven and noticed she was just playing in the water instead of washing her hands.

"Batura, help." April cried drawing the yami's attention back to her. While he was focused on her older sister, the little girl had tried pushing down her pants and her Pull ups all at once and since her Hello Kitty shorts were the type that needed to be unfastened _before_ they could be removed, they had gotten stuck.

"You're supposed to unbutton them _before_ pulling them down." Bakura said with a roll of his eyes. He went over, knelt down in front of her, pushed her shirt up a little and unbuttoned her pants for her. Bakura then left the rest to her.

With a happy cheer April pulled down her pants, waddled over to the toilet and with a little help again from Bakura, got up on the commode. He left her alone to do her business and got up to deal with her sister.

"Okay, enough of that." Bakura told Raven as he turned off the water. "You're wasting water. Go back to Ryou and Marik and play on the computer."

"Gotta go potty." Raven replied solemnly. He gave her a bland look.

"You have to go to the bathroom again?"

She nodded and the yami sighed.

"You just went." He told her and this time Raven sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Gotta go!" then Raven went over to her sister grabbed a hold of her arm and gave a mighty tug. "Get off!"

"No!" her little sister shrilly screamed holding the sides of the commode with a surprisingly vice like grip. "I here first!"

"Quit trying to jerk your sister off the toilet." Bakura snapped grabbing a hold of Raven and pried her hand off from around April.

"_Gotta go potty_!" Raven retorted shrilly. Her bottom lip began to tremble and her face began to redden.

Bakura knew where this was headed…

"April, are you done?" he asked and the little girl shook her head.

Raven had a fit. She stomped her feet as she screamed and cried. In between her whiny fit semi-coherent words were spoken. Bakura understood "not fair", "April" "go potty" and "now" but little else. Meanwhile, April happily swung her feet as she sat on the can.

Bakura was beginning develop a headache and a wish that he had never agreed to take care of the two little girls. The tomb raider couldn't guess why Malik ever thought asking someone who had never babysat was a good idea. He was an evil spirit that lived inside a piece of jewelry not Mary Poppins. Bakura was already plotting the two girls' deaths not an hour after the last time.

"Marik!" he screamed over the hissy fit Raven was throwing. A moment later a bemused blond spiky head peeked in.

"Is there another bathroom here?"

The evil spirit of the Millennium Rod smiled evilly, "No~o."

"They ever pull this crap with you?"

"Ye~s" he drawled once again with that smile.

"What did you do when they did this with you?" he growled. Bakura hated him and that grin. It made him think Marik thought he was better than him…_which he wasn't!_

"Hey Raven, wanna have some cinnamon toast?" the yami of the Rod asked her. Both little girls somehow managed to hear the question and the sound of a hissy fit was replaced with the sound of cheering and clapping.

"Toast!" Raven exclaimed.

The older little girl ran out the door, throwing out queenly demands on exactly how she wanted her toast with Marik sedately following.

Bakura turned back to April who was trapped on the toilet and found her ready to cry.

"Want toast too." She sobbed.

The pathetic sight would have broken many hearts. A sweet little girl with angel like curls around her chubby cheeks, bright blue eyes with tears wetting her lashes. But Bakura didn't have a heart and if he did, it was black and shriveled. That was what you got when you've been dead longer than most governments have been around.

"So you're done going to the bathroom, I take it." Bakura replied. The little girl nodded and her babysitter lifted her from the throne.

She made an effort to wipe and then Bakura assisted her back into her training pants and shorts. He had to steer her toward the sink to wash her hands before she made a mad dash after her sister. Then Bakura balanced her on one knee so he could turn the water on and hand her the small bar of soap to wash her hands with, feeling all the while he was performing tricks in a circus. He let April happily rub the soap between her hands beneath the water only to snatch it away from her when he noticed she was just playing a moment later.

April sprang from the bathroom with a cheer and raced into the kitchen where Ryou was supervising the toaster. At Marik's table, Raven sat before an empty stoneware plate and their yami host was pulling out his sugar bowl and cinnamon under now two diminutive females' rabid gaze.

"So anytime they fight, you make them toast." Bakura commented as April climbed into a chair stacked with two phonebooks.

"It's called distracting them." Marik replied. "I thought as a thief you would know of that fine little technique."

Bakura ground his teeth together before he began teaching his two charges some interesting new words. He glanced over at April and noticed her smiling quite brightly at him. It was as if she knew…

"Die" she exclaimed rather happily.

_Oh yeah…_

The yami patted her on the head as the toaster ejected two nicely toasted pieces of bread. Ryou gathered the two pieces as Marik retrieved another plate for April and then drug out the butter from his fridge. He laid out all the ingredients and Ryou deftly made the two their toast.

While Raven happily dug into her cinnamon toast, April merely looked at her and whimpered.

"What's wrong?" Ryou asked as Marik began to put the sugar bowl and cinnamon back in the cabinet.

"It burnt." April replied and shoved the plate toward the hikari. "You eat it."

"It's not burnt." Ryou said with a laugh. "It's toasted."

"Not like bown toast."

"I do!" Raven cried snatching up her sister's rejected bread and April let out a shrilly scream.

"It mine!" the littlest girl screamed.

"You didn't want it." Bakura argued and April began to cry.

Tears fell from the girl's eyes like rain as she said unintelligible words that not even the best linguists in the world could understand. It didn't help matters that her sister began laughing and calling her a big baby.

And telling her she wasn't ever getting toast, which _really _set April off.

"Oh Ra, she's loud." Marik shouted over the din with his hands over his ears.

"Kinda like the pharaoh's hair!" Bakura replied with his own hands clasped over his ears.

"You two!" Ryou exclaimed then addressed April, "I'll make you more toast, how do you want it."

April quieted a bit and said something neither yamis could understand nor Ryou really could either. Then she began crying at full volume again.

"You want it lightly toasted?" the hikari asked pulling out another slice of bread. "Just a hint of brown?"

"No!" the little girl screamed and said the same garbled thing as before. Ryou knew Bakura was getting annoyed. Ryou also knew that if his yami was annoyed, the volatile Marik was just as bothered. And two angry yamis was _never _a good thing.

"Pop it in the toaster for two seconds and see if that's okay." Bakura growled.

Ryou immediately did just that and presented the new piece of toast to the unhappy one year old. She stopped crying, whimpered, looked at the toast in front of her, poked it with her finger and asked perfectly clear,

"Butter?"

All three of the males in the room let out a sigh of relief. Raven happily munched on her pilfered slice as Ryou slathered April's toast with a thin layer of butter.

"I just love it when we get together." Marik told Bakura sarcastically. "Don't you?"

Before Bakura could reply Raven announced something all too familiar… And dreaded.

"Kura, gotta go potty."


	10. The game

It began as a game almost.

One girl would 'need to go potty' and soon after when the little girl would climb upon the toilet, the other suddenly had the desire to go too. Then there would be a fight which Bakura would break up and then the two sisters would switch, taking their turn on the porcelain throne. After each visit, both would wash their hands like good little girls and Bakura would then escort them back into the living room where the game began anew.

"Kura," Raven said while April sat upon Marik's lap so she could play on the computer. Raven climbed onto the couch next to the yami, reached over and tugged on Bakura's shirt.

"Kura."

He ignored her. Across from him, Ryou chuckled as Raven tried again to get her babysitter's attention.

"Kura. _Kura_ **Kura**."

"What?" the yami snapped.

"Gotta go potty."

"You know where it is." Bakura told her. "You're a big girl, go by yourself."

As Raven gleefully went to the bathroom by herself to prove to the boys and her sister how much of a big girl she was, her babysitter heard someone snickering. Quiet little snickers coming from the direction of the computer.

"Marik you had better not be laughing!"

"You're a big girl Raven…"Marik replied in a sickening sweet tone. "Kura's little sweetheart."

April climbed down from Marik's lap and waddled over to her back pack. She searched through the contents for a moment and soon waddled back to the computer holding a stuffed cat. Once she was happily back in Marik's lap, she smacked the yami with her toy.

"My Batura."

"Take that you spiky haired… weirdo" Bakura cackled. He would have called the yami something worse but April obviously looked up to him and would repeat said word in front of her mommy. _A __**very **__bad thing…_

The afterlife hath no fury like a very furious mommy.

"_Don't hit me _with your toys" Marik growled as he snatched April's toy from her and tossed it carelessly across the room.

"Mean bean!" she exclaimed hopping down from the yami's lap with no fewer than three elbow jabs to his ribs and ran after the cat.

Ryou chuckled as Raven toddled in with a line of toilet paper streaming out from the bottom of her shoe that led all the way back into the bathroom. April came back with her toy and climbed back onto Marik's lap, this time catching him in the groin with her knee.

The hikari detached the paper from Raven's shoe as she passed him and began following the paper lined path, gathering the waste as he went back to the bathroom.

"Mawik mean bean." April told Raven. Raven climbed back onto the couch and once she was sitting comfortably, smacked Marik on the arm.

"Is _this_ the reason why you told Malik you wouldn't babysit them?" Bakura asked as Marik glared down at Raven while her sister giggled as she clicked the computer mouse.

"If you had a choice between a calm night at home or a three ring circus complete with two hyper miniature clowns, which would _you _chose?" Marik replied.

"Big mean ball." Raven told him.

"Big baby." he snapped back and got hit by a stuffed cat again. The yami growled at April as he snatched the toy away from her and threw it across the room.

The littlest child toddled after her fallen plaything and her sister decided she needed the computer. She kneed Marik twice in the side during her mad scramble and then clocked him in the head with her elbow.

"That looked like that hurt." Bakura said sweetly once Raven was settled. The yami shot him a murderous look.

"Mawik, Mawik." April exclaimed toddling back with her toy. "Momma glass dolly say you mean bean."

Both spirits blinked with bafflement as Ryou came back into the room. Bakura's mind whirled at her strange words while Marik analyzed her exact words. _Glass dolly?_

"Your mom has a doll that's breakable." when April nodded, Marik continued, "Would it be a porcelain doll?"

April nodded, "Break'ble dolly. It say you an' Batura look like bad guy."

"Why is she telling us what a doll- _that's not even here_- is saying to her?" Bakura demanded.

"Can't fault the doll though, you _do _look like one of the bad guys." Ryou replied and his yami shot him a dark look.

"Mean bean." April said waving her kitty toy in Marik's face.

The yami reacted violently and yielded quickly to fury. He tore the toy from the little girl's grasp, ripping its tiny arm from its body. Not yet feeling his rage sated, Marik tore the other arm off and then both legs.

When attempting to rip the smiling kitty head from its shoulders the yami found it more difficult than with the limbs and pulled his Millennium Item from his belt. Marik used the sharp edges of the Rod to hack and hack at the neck until fuzz flew. Finally once the toy was nothing but a mass of fluff and mangled cloth, the yami felt better.

_Until he heard a sniff._

Before April's first tear could even fall, a blur lunged for his throat.

"You fool!" Bakura roared tearing Raven from Marik. She had already bit him on the cheek and was trying to slap him. The elder yami tossed her back on the couch while Ryou attempted to comfort April whose cries grew in earnest.

Bakura jerked Marik up by his shirt and pulled him up into his face.

"You are going to buy her an _exact copy of that toy_ and you are going to do it _now_." He growled an unholy light growing in his eyes.

"Or what?"

"Ryou, _phone_."

His light scrambled over to and tossed his yami the phone, who caught it one-handed. He dialed without breaking the glaring contest with the other spirit.

"555- I'm King." Bakura said with a smirk. "Sorry for being petty but let's see how well your hikari likes hearing about _this_."

Meanwhile

They were in the middle of drinks when his cell phone went off. The sound of Arabian Nights from Aladdin filled the restaurant and Malik tried not to look embaressed. The blond Egyptian glanced at the number, explaining to Brooke as he dialed.

"It's Marik, he's probably calling to ask me for cheat codes for his Civ game…_again_."

"Is it just me or did you change the ringtone for your phone?"

Malik blushed this time, "I did. In case anyone paged me around your kids again, I didn't want to explain why it played a song about leather pants."

"You and your friends are funny when they drink." She told him.

Malik smiled and listened to the phone on the other end ring and finally pick up. He heard crying and a quiet British voice speaking soothingly. He recognized Raven shouting at someone and groaned.

Brooke looked at Malik concerned and he shook his head with a smirk.

"I can see from the number, Bakura, you are calling from Marik's house. Is something wrong?"

"You lied about the diapers, you failed to mention the Wiggles fascination and the fact Marik would have babysat them!"

"But judging from the fact you're calling, you've realize why Marik isn't babysitting them?" Malik said with a grin.

"Yes. Because he's mean enough to tear up April's toy."

Malik lost the grin and turned away from Brooke. He spoke quietly into the phone, "Tell him if he doesn't replace it, I'll cancel his WoW subscription and sell his Millennium item on ebay."

Back at the yami's house, Bakura told Marik what his light told him.

"He also says he'll also rat you out to ICE and you can play online chess with Pegasus from a cell." He added.

"I just got my priest to level 60!" he shouted and Bakura snickered.

"You're not worried about the Rod getting sold?" Ryou asked picked April up so he could rock her while she sobbed on his shoulder.

"Or getting deported?"

"I'll take you down with me, tomb robber." Marik swore and Raven kicked him in the shin.

"Raven." Bakura told her firmly and added with a happy grin. "FYI: I have citizenship."

"So you have everything under control or do I need to cancel my date?" Malik asked. He heard April scream 'Kitty!' before Bakura chuckled.

"I want my pay in cash."

"Fine, fine." Malik replied rolling his eyes. "Large, non-sequential bills, same as usual."

He hung up before Bakura could confirm or deny his manner of salary and turned back to Brooke. She watched him with concern in her eyes.

"Nothing to be worried about." He told her. "Bakura called to make sure the girls didn't have any food allergies."

"Crap, I'm always forgetting something." She shook her head. "I'm lucky they don't have anything of the sort."

"Figured." Malik replied and smirked changing the subject, "So tell me, how _exactly_ did you talk that friend of yours into a collar?"

* * *

Author's note_: Really sorry this took so long... Please review and let me know how I did. _


End file.
